12 Tips to Survive in a Modern World
People like to say that life is short, so live every day like it’s your last.
I like Louis CK’s take on it instead: life is shit, wall to wall. If you can learn to live with disappointment, nothing can beat you.
Life is LONG, and a lot of the time it sucks, but it does have its moments.
Eddie Van Halen once described his mantra for writing music as “there’s 12 notes, mix’em up however you want.” Here’s the twelve notes I mix up to make the most, and sometimes least, of my utterly long existence on this planet. Some might be literal, some might be metaphors, but for better or for worse, here they are:
- Let the baby have its bottle
You see that douche in the BMW in your rear-view mirror weaving his way through traffic with a malfunctioning turn signal? You know how you visualize how you could block him in for the next 20 KM if you time your movements just right?
Don’t do it. Let him on his douchy old way.
Same goes for the douche who stops 24 feet before the stop sign at a 4-way stop so he can ‘get credit’ for stopping first and go through before you.
For starters, letting it go will prevent you from developing a habit of resenting all of humanity, and your brain can focus on more important things. Second, douches like that are probably miserable so give them the feeling that they won, and are better than you. It really doesn't matter
2. Be sad
Buck up billy, it’ll get better! I’m writing this post on the way back from Sweden after a great couple of days with a client. I’m happy, but I decided to listen to The Saddest Song in the World by Meiko just because.
As I fell into the feeling of how much I wish my family could travel with me, I teared up in my posh business class seat. And I stayed with that feeling. It passed and I feel good about it.
We’re taught from an early age, especially boys, to hide our sadness and fears.
My daughter has anxiety and when something doesn’t go her way, she dives into sadness. Sometimes we just sit and be sad together. She’ll learn how to manage her emotions, and we openly talk about it.
There’s nothing wrong with you, or anyone you know if they’re sad. Stay in the feeling, and don’t be ashamed just because all of your Facebook friends are posting pics of their new cars and TVs and other stuff. They’re probably just as miserable as the rest of us.
3. Go to therapy
It’s estimated that 20% of Canadians suffer from some form of mental illness. I work as a management consultant, more or less, and sometimes that means one on one coaching with people. There’s no shame in being a manager or executive and needing help from someone else. Sometimes you only need someone to ask the right question.
I’ve had 3 personal coaches throughout my career so far. Once I was feeling anxious about a conference I was going to be speaking at and I told my coach that I thought I needed to up my game to prove myself.
She stopped me and said I don’t need to prove anything to anyone. There’s a reason why I reached out to this conference, and that was enough to know that I already made it to the stage.
Why not extend that to my personal life? My whole family has been to therapy, and we’re not ashamed of it. My daughter’s anxiety was triggered by a long car ride through a bad storm…like…100km/hr winds kind of storm. It was brutal.
We know that’s not the reason and there’s something underneath that’s the real problem so we went to see a professional. She’s much better, but still checks the weather and avoids going outside on days when the wind is over 40KM/hr but we’ve made progress.
Since then we’ve had family sessions, and one-on-ones. There’s no shame in asking for help, especially in today’s world when we’re bombarded with an instant gratification, self-serve society that is driving us all nuts.
4. Encourage your kids to be late for school
One day my daughter and I spent extra time hunting Pokémons on the way to school. We were late so I signed her in at the office.
When the opportunity for fun and a deeper connection with the ones you love present itself, go for it.
Being late for school, or work, isn’t the end of the world.
5. Hold the door open
If you live in a busy city, you know what rush hour pedestrian traffic is like. In Toronto, there is a large underground path between most of downtown buildings. As you rush through the maze of paths and through door after door, take a quick peek behind you and pause for a couple of seconds to keep it open for your next fellow commuter.
As a bonus, smile and don’t expect a thank you. It might make their day a little better.
6. Be a selfish prick
Today I took the last piece of sandwich meat from the executive lounge buffet. How Un-Canadian. Some say that giving makes you feel better, and it does, but not all the time.
Sometimes you need to put yourself first and fuck what other people think. Take the last piece of pizza if you want it. Say “no, I don’t want to go out for dinner because I don’t feel like it”
Oh, and a bonus tip is be contradictory. That’s for the people taking this list literally who thought “HEY, NUMBER 5 IS THE OPPOSITE OF NUMBER 6!!!! YOU CAN’T DO THAT!!!!!”
7. Don’t google it
A few months back a friend and I organized a conference and decided to have two of my friends who are magicians be the MC’s.
It was awesome and entertaining! While I could have google how they did some of the tricks they did, I decided not to.
Sometimes being ignorant is good. I didn’t want to spoil the magic…pun intended.
This ties closely to #1. Don’t use google everyday to prove people wrong on the internet. Just let it go.
8. Buy something you can’t afford
There are studies that show restraint early in life leads to greater satisfaction. This is referred to as delayed gratification. However, once you’ve reached the second last stage of brain development around the age of 25, that doesn’t matter as much.
What are you waiting for? Whenever you get something you’re going to experience the paradox of choice and buyers remorse anyway, so just go for it.
Go buy that sports car and enjoy it. Just be prepared to sleep on the couch for a while. The point is, don’t wake up when you’re 60 only to realize you have regrets. Remember when I said life was long? 60 is the new 40 so there’s still a loooong way to go.
9. Change careers
I started work at the age of 10. I detassled corn, picked fruit, was a short order cook in a walk-up street kitchen, pushed the coffee cart at a bingo hall, cleaned said bingo hall overnight, cooked at said bingo hall, built software, managed projects, became a director, did some consulting, became a product manager, did more consulting, wrote a boon, tested software and a bunch of other things in between.
Michael Jordan said you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.
Take you shot. Many of them. Call is a job, career, or calling, in today’s world the notion of the 9–5 job is dead. Find what you love and find people who are willing to pay you to do it.
10. Call someone on their bullshit
I’m stubborn, opinionated and a control freak. Just ask my wife. Most of the time I do a Nikki Sixx and play note #1 on this list over and over but sometimes people need to be told they’re full of shit. By the way, that one note is #1 on this list for those who need it to be spelled out. Did you catch that?
Do it as nicely or not nicely as you want, but always be fair. We’re not always going to agree with everyone all the time. There’s nothing wrong with arguing and there’s nothing wrong with telling that overly-opinionated jackass they’re full of shit. Odds are plenty of others are thinking the same thing but are too nice to say anything.
11. Spend time with your brain
That’s dangerous advice if you have a brain like mine. We’re over saturated with media, and tuned for instant gratification. Our brains have a hard time settling down the feeling of having to be doing something all the time.
Put down your device, after reading this of course, and sit in a room and stare at a wall for a while.
12. Stop Improving
Given the work I do, everyone seems to be in a rush to continually improve. You must improve every day, every week, every year…screw that I say. Spend a day watching cat videos on YouTube, playing video games, or being as irresponsible as possible.
Your brain will thank you.
Life isn’t black and white, it’s a lovely rainbow of grays…paint yours however you want and let people around you do the same.
